If you feel your social skills have gone downhill, you鈥檙e not alone. After nearly two years of working from home, and much less social activity outside of work, we鈥檙e likely to commit more unintentional lapses in etiquette, or social gaffes. This is true whether your organization is trickling back to the office or still mostly remote.
Distilling decades of previous research on human emotions, , associate professor of management at 亚洲AV, recently published 鈥溾 in the Journal of Organizational Behavior, presenting frameworks for predicting the consequences of a gaffe.
Vough said gaffes are a complex issue and not to be taken lightly. Even minor social gaffes like forgetting to greet someone in a Zoom meeting or not waving at someone that you don鈥檛 recognize because they鈥檙e wearing a mask can have consequences.
鈥Even relatively minor gaffes can become what my [Mason] colleague Kevin Rockmann calls ""鈥攄ecisive moments that change a relationship's trajectory for better or worse,鈥 she said.
Vough theorizes that if both parties are on the same page and the gaffe-maker acts appropriately, initial awkwardness could result in a stronger emotional bond.
So the next time you goof up in front of your colleagues, don鈥檛 kick yourself. Also, don鈥檛 make things worse by acting on impulse or allowing awkwardness to overwhelm you. Instead, take Vough鈥檚 research-backed advice on how to turn a faux pas into a fast friendship.
鈥擨f you commit a gaffe, don鈥檛 be ashamed. 鈥淪hame-driven interpretations lead us to believe the situation is irreparable because it stems from flaws in our deepest self,鈥 Vough said. 鈥淪o instead of reaching out, we withdraw from the colleague we may have offended. If our feelings of shame are especially strong, we may also withdraw in a more general sense, disengaging from the organization as a whole.鈥
鈥擜sk yourself whether the gaffe was likely to have hurt someone else, or if it only wounded your ego. This is important because ego- or embarrassment-based reactions can lead to compensatory showing-off. If those around you don鈥檛 realize that you鈥檙e trying to rehabilitate your reputation because of the gaffe you just committed, they may be put off by your behavior. 鈥淭his won鈥檛 be good for the long-term working relationship,鈥 said Vough. So if you make an embarrassing social error, your best bet is to just let it go. People will likely forget about it very quickly, if they noticed it at all.
鈥擬ost of the time, gaffes are minor enough that a direct apology, promptly delivered, is good enough to re-establish rapport. But some gaffes are much more delicate. Imagine asking a woman when she is due to give birth, and she responds that she isn鈥檛 pregnant. Fortunately, Vough鈥檚 research suggests that extending emotional support鈥攅.g. by inviting the person to lunch or offering to pick up a shift鈥攃an be a serviceable substitute for an apology. "[In most cases] the kind gesture will be appreciated. The relationship between the two people will probably blossom as a result.鈥
鈥擠on鈥檛 forget to be kind to yourself, as well as the person or people affected by your gaffe. In these extraordinary times, Vough believes everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt and a good deal of understanding.
鈥擧owever, what feels like a mere social gaffe to one person could be more serious for another. 鈥The key thing to remember is that gaffes are unintentional by nature. Managers should be able to distinguish between incivility and honest mistakes,鈥 Vough said. When in doubt, focus on the experience of the victim.
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