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If you feel your social skills have atrophied, you’re not alone. After nearly two years of working from home, and much less social activity outside of work, we’re likely to commit more unintentional lapses in etiquette, or social gaffes. This is true whether your organization is trickling back to the office, or still mostly remote.

Gaffes don’t make people feel good. That’s probably not news to you. But recent research from Heather Vough, associate professor of management at Mason, argues that gaffes have potential negative consequences that go far beyond an awkward or uncomfortable moment.

Some gaffes are truly wince-inducing, such as asking a woman who isn’t pregnant when she’s due. Most, however, fall toward the less egregious end of the spectrum, like accidentally omitting a name from the invite list for a Zoom call. Citing a concept originated by her Mason colleague Kevin Rockmann, Vough says that even minor misunderstandings between colleagues can be “anchoring events,” or turning points in a workplace relationship. In the end, this could badly impact team cohesion—assuming no remedial post-gaffe action is taken.

Vough’s article in  (co-authored by Harshad Puranik of University of Illinois at Chicago and Chandra Shekhar Pathki of Nazarbayev University) uses pre-existing research on emotions to trace the possible ripple effects of social gaffes. The article shows just how complicated it can be to predict the aftermath of a gaffe. In addition to the perceptions of the gaffe-perpetrator and their ensuing attempts to save face, one must consider the victim’s response— starting with whether they even realize a gaffe occurred.

These theories and frameworks can help employees and managers repair the damage gaffes may have caused. They also indicate how, in some cases, taking the correct post-gaffe course of action can make relationships even stronger.

According to the research, once we realize we’ve committed a gaffe, we can react with embarrassment, shame, or guilt. Shame is probably the least helpful, because it leaves us no recourse. It interprets the gaffe as an extension of some flaw in ourselves, rather than an understandable misstep. Too much shame leads to psychological disengagement and eventual withdrawal from our colleagues and the organization.

An embarrassment-based reaction shrinks from the unflattering light that a gaffe casts upon our self-image. Our preferred opinion of ourselves as self-aware and socially adept is hard to maintain after we’ve goofed up in front of our colleagues. Embarrassment tends to inspire damage-control efforts that are more about saving face than making amends. For example, we may try to show off our intelligence, sensitivity, or whatever quality we feel was thrown into doubt by the recent gaffe. If the others around us don’t recognize what’s occurring, or didn’t notice the gaffe in the first place, they will think we’re merely self-involved.

Guilt-based reactions are rooted in an awareness that our gaffe may have hurt someone else. The natural next step is to try to right the wrong, either by addressing the gaffe directly or by showing emotional support to the victim, e.g. offering to pick up a shift or extending a lunch invitation. Since recipients of such gestures will almost always appreciate them, it doesn’t really matter whether the gaffe was noticed. Relationships are rarely destroyed, and often bolstered, by random acts of kindness.

When it comes to human emotions, there is no clear-cut instruction manual. However, Vough suggests some general takeaways for dealing with social gaffes, derived from her research:

• If you commit a gaffe, don’t ignore it. To be sure, there’s a strong possibility that a minor gaffe will go unnoticed, but it may also loom large in the mind of a victim. At the very least, it’s worth carefully considering your next move.
• At the same time, don’t be ashamed. In these times especially, we all owe each other some forgiveness and understanding for the gaffes we’re almost certain to commit. And we should apply these to ourselves as well.
• Next, ask yourself whether the gaffe had the potential to hurt someone else, or if it only wounded your ego. People who take self-interested steps to repair their reputation after a gaffe may end up confusing or repelling the very person they’re most trying to impress. Your best bet is to let it go. Have faith that those who know you and your abilities will overlook the error. Sometimes a gaffe can be both hurtful to others and reflect badly on you—for example, when you mistakenly undersell someone’s contribution to a group project in a Zoom meeting and they have to correct you. The point in this case would be to forget about the ego-wounding aspects of the gaffe and focus on those that could affect the other person.
• For more straightforward gaffes like the Zoom one just described, the most direct approach is usually best. A simple apology delivered as soon as possible (“I’m really sorry—of course, I knew you prepared that report but I misspoke”) should at least go a long way toward clarifying your intent and establishing goodwill.
• But there are other gaffes that can’t be so easily addressed, e.g. the pregnancy mistake mentioned above. Calling the woman into a special Zoom meeting to explain that you thought her weight gain meant she was pregnant may only exacerbate the awkwardness. In these cases, there are still things you can do as far as general emotional support that may get the point across.
• Remember that there is a difference between relatively innocuous gaffes and more serious incidents of disrespect or incivility. When in doubt, the victim’s experience should be centered.

Source: Harshad Puranik, Heather C. Vough, Chandra Shekhar Pathki (2021). “,” Journal of Organizational Behavior